I have to say, it’s amazing to be in a place where I feel strong and I can recognize the improvements I’ve made both mentally and physically.
It occurred to me yesterday, as I was listlessly roaming the kitchen looking for something to bored-eat, how far I’ve come.
Five years ago, I never could have sat around and mindlessly eaten. -Not that mindless eating is good for you or something I encourage, but in the past, everything I ate came with a calculation. If I ate x many calories, that meant x miles on a treadmill. Every food had a price and telling myself that I couldn’t have something made me want it even more. Eating gave me anxiety and anxiety led to paralysis, which led to guilt and more anxiety.
Although weight loss is no longer my be-all end-all and my journey took a whole lot of healing and hardwork, I will say that it wasn’t until I finally began focusing on health instead of weight loss that I saw “improvements” in my body.
Before, my only concern was weight loss no matter how unhealthy or dangerous the method was and it got me nothing but self hate and stagnation. When I let go of that toxic mindset and listened to what my body was telling me – that’s when I was able to grow.
Although I’m always chasing fitness and health goals and challenging myself in new ways, it’s not like it was before. I let myself breath. And eat. And I feel more free than I ever thought I could in the past. I appreciate my journey. I know how hard it is to escape the feeling of being uncomfortable in your own skin, but you just have to start with a leap of faith.
Wishing everyone wellness today. x